Sunny Days

sad day

2009-07-10T16:34:00.002-04:00

Disappointment, frustration, anger, anxitey, nervousness, palpitations, sweaty palms, tears, anguish, uncertainty, groans, shame, fear, obstacle, set back.

month of trials...

2009-07-03T14:04:00.005-04:00

Honestly, I cant believe its July already. How did the past few months zoom by so quickly?

My first year of PA school is now over and done. Now onto the clinical world, hopefully. Just have to rock these next few tests. After being on H&P for the past 2 weeks, I definitely know that I want to become a PA. I was assigned to the Urology PAs and had an amazing time learning from them, it was such a great experience that I may even consider going into Urology after graduation. But we'll have to wait and see if I find any of the other fields more enjoyable. I was completely blindsided 3 weeks ago which has made me question if this is really the career that I wanted to continue to pursue. The H&P rotation has given me a better perspective and I have learned that this is what I truly want to do with the rest of my life. Now I just need to kick some ass. :)

This past week I also got an email from him asking me back. I was a bit shocked, but not as surprised. Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all saying that I'm the greatest, definitely have many flaws. But I feel like I sacrificed many things that, in hindsight, I shouldn't have. Family but mostly friends. I encouraged him, stayed, and reassured him through his insecurities and tried to help him be a better man. There were a couple of instances that I just brushed aside, overlooked, and forgave because I was that much in love with him. While at the same time, he wasn't doing the same for me. Slowly he was showing that he didn't appreciate me, took me for granted, was controlling, didn't respect me or my parents and that it was an unhealthy relationship to be in. It took me long time to realize all of this and finally sum up the courage to enforce the split that he had initiated multiple times. He probably thinks that our split boils down to the fact that I moved away and the long distance is the reason for it. But that's not the case at all. Although I do regret all the time wasted, I still appreciate the things that I have learned from him and I have a better understanding of what I need and don't need in a boyfriend.

Not sure when the next one will come along, but I definitely know that he'll have to be a quality guy and most importantly, someone who values me. :)

Valentine's 09

2009-02-17T12:52:00.003-05:00

Flowers from my sister and parents.

The first time I got flowers on v-day. Not only one but TWO.
:)
who needs a man when you have family.
Love you!

Time

2009-01-28T23:20:00.004-05:00

:*(
Its so strange. My mind is ready to move on but my heart still wants to hold on to you. Usually I can rationalize what happened and can push the thought of you away. Listen to what everyone is saying and believe into it. And I know deep down that maybe this was what was best.
But still a month later, I find my eyes on the brink of releasing tears.
Eventually we'll both be okay and be ready to move on.
Just not now.

Songs

2009-01-06T14:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday

I just cant believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise
Without you here by my side
Oooo where we had so much in store
Tell me what is it all reaching for
When were through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least where the story goes
I never believed it until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasn't our destiny
'Coz in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
No I can believe me I can still find the strength in The moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Better In Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice
you mean everything
Quickly I'm learnin'
To love again
All I know is
I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something that'd remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let that hurt my feelings
But that's the path I've been living
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Better said through song.
"Lucky" is finally made into video and its beautiful. Too bad I can't enjoy it.

Hello old friend

2009-01-06T12:17:00.000-05:00

Hello again.

I was looking back on my old Xanga posts and found that I've changed quite a bit since then. Change for the good or bad, I cant seem to decide. But change nonetheless. Much of the posts were a daily chronicle of what I did that day and who I was with. Less of my feelings and emotions. I've realized that I'm a very simple girl with not too many layers. My skin has definitely gotten thicker and I've experienced much more than before. Back then I was not ready to grow up...but now I think I'm ready for the world.
I'm not so sure how these post will go or what type of writing style I've evolved into to, but I hope you find some humor in it and that it brightens up your day.
2009 will be a good year...I can feel it.